NEWS FLASH: SUBTERRANEAN VOID CONTAINS PIRATE GOLD, THE HOLY GRAIL AND LAST REMAINING DINOSAUR – oh, and P.S., regardless of these wonders, WE’RE STILL OPEN

deer_cave__mulu_national_park__borneo__malaysia

When first hearing of the ‘subterranean void’ that has been discovered by engineers working to fix Thames Water pipes in Notting Hill, the cynic in me immediately thought: only in Britain could engineers, after weeks of digging, be surprised to find a hole. Or rather, only in Britain and in the city of Springfield where the entire town, at the end of an especially memorable Simpsons episode, find themselves at the bottom of a hole having dug in search of buried treasure. When one towns person enquires how they’re going to get out, a genius – Chief Wiggum maybe? – makes the delightful suggestion that they must “dig up”. It’s been about 5 years and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Anyway.

After I got over my initial cynicism, my mind jumped to the next logical conclusion: that the engineers had found a wonderous underground cavern filled with stalactites, bats and a giant pile of pirate gold that shimmered in the eerie green light falling from a single shaft, oh so magically, onto the deck of a Spanish galleon that had been swept up centuries before as it crept down the Thames.

I mean, clearly:

goonies-pirate-ship1

Indiana Jones, The Goonies and Jurassic Park are all being enacted under the bourgeois treadmill of Notting Hill. Right under one of the 11 oh-so-essential Starbuck’s, a pterodactyl’s wing is slowly unfolding.

Right under your extra-hot, extra-wet skinny mochachino, the ghost of Blue Beard and a drawing of Red Rackham are about to do battle over a piece of eight…

1750-Piece-of-Eight

87266229a-rackham-rouge-jpg

Somewhere behind you, someone with a small keyboard is playing that eerie/magical music you only get in Steven Spielberg films when the Ark of the Covenant has just been discovered. Listen..

Ok, so that sounds totally rubbish, but you know the music I mean. Oh, and your lifelong dream is about to come true: any second now, someone is going to call you ‘Dr. Jones’. Unless you’re a GP called Fred Jones, in which case, someone is going to call you ‘Indy’…. As you raise that ‘coffee’ to your lips you can feel the power of the Grail coursing through your veins…

indiana-jones-holy-grail

Anyway. To cut a long story short, there are a bunch of road works going on in Notting Hill, and despite outward appearances, WE’RE STILL OPEN.

rackham

goonies13

Indiana_Jones_Action_Figure_Whip_Action

LOVE AND CUTLASSES,

VIDEO CITY.

X

by Dixie Turner