The Oscars…

Joan: Out of my cold, dead hands...

The 2012 Winners:

Best Picture: THE ARTIST (because no-one loves Hollywood quite like Hollywood)

Recognition at last...


Actor in a Leading Role: JEAN DUJARDIN (for The Artist):

Looking quite a lot like...

... Gene Kelly. Non?

Directing : MICHEL HAZANAVICIUS (for The Artist)

I'd like to thank me...

Actress in a Leading Role: MERYL STREEP (for the Iron Lady)

Only one paid to lie could make her seem human...


Actor in a Supporting Role: CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER (for Beginners – available to rent and buy on DVD now)

As Captain Von Trapp in The Sound of Music (1965)

As Leo Tolstoy in The Last Station (2009)

As Captain Chang in Star Trek VI (1991)

Christopher to Oscar: "You're only 2 years older than me, darling, where have you been all my life?"


Actress in a Supporting Role: OCTAVIA SPENCER (for The Help)

As Minny Jackson


Foreign Language Film: A SEPARATION (Iran – available to rent or buy on DVD now)

A near-perfect film, Directed by Asghar Farhadi


Writing (Adapted Screenplay): ALEXANDER PAYNE, NAT FAXON, JIM RASH (for The Descendants)

Clooney: Upstaged by a lawn.


Writing (Original Screenplay): WOODY ALLEN (for Midnight in Paris – available to rent and buy on DVD now)

Woody was unable to attend the ceremony...


Documentary Feature: UNDEFEATED



The Ever-Amazing Tilda Swinton

You need to see her in:

We Need To Talk About Kevin (out this week)

I Am Love


Michael Clayton

The Man from London

Michael Fassbender

You need to see him in:

Jane Eyre (out on March 12th)

Fish Tank


Olivia Coleman

You need to see her in:


Peep Show


New Releases: 20/2/12

WARRIOR: Be-muscled lads, Tom Hardy (Bronson) and Joel Edgerton (The Thing) play brothers destined to slug it out in the ring under papa Nick Nolte’s unwincing eye. Underdog vs. Superstar – which brother will pound the other into a sticky goo? Directed by Gavin O’Connor (Miracle). Cert. 15




REAL STEEL: More boxing, fewer muscles. Hugh Jackman (wolverine) plays Charlie, an ex-fighter down on his luck who teams up with his young son to train A ROBOT to pound another robot into a sticky (and sharp?) goo. Transformers vs. Rocky. Iron Giant vs. The Fighter. Directed by Shawn Levy (Night at the Museum). Cert 12.



FRIGHT NIGHT: Re-make of the 1985 film of the same name. Colin Farrell, David Tennant and Toni Colelette are the latest actors to succombe to the lure of  vapire-fever… A mysterious stranger with big sharp teeth moves in next door and suddenly bodies begin to appear – enter Peter Vincent (played by David Tennant), Las Vegas magician by day, vampire-slayer by night. Hope he has sequined stakes and diamante garlic… Directed by Craig Gillespie (Lars and the Real Girl). Cert. 15



VANISHING ON 7TH STREET: If you’re afraid of the dark, best not to watch this one. Just stay at home under the sun lamp. Hayden Christensen (Star Wars 1) stars in this thriller where the dark literally devours… Directed by Brad Anderson (The Machinist). Cert. 15



DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK:  Guy Pearce (LA Confidential) and Katie Holmes (Dawson’s Creek) live in a scary mansion. It becomes scarier when 8 year-old Sally discovers something alive in the dark. Not a kitty. Cert. 15



WELL-DIGGER’S DAUGHTER: Daniel Auteuil stars and directs in this family drama. A young woman has a child out of wed-lock with a soldier who has been sent to the front…. Cert. PG. French with Eng Subs.



MISS BALA: In a society dominated by violence, a young woman dreams of becoming a beauty queen. Cert. 15. Spanish with Eng. subs

Trailer :

THE SILENCE: A film that’s being compared to The Killing and Wallander surely can’t be bad. This thriller focuses on 2 crimes committed 23 years apart, exploring the mindsets of both the detectives and the criminals involved. Cert 15. German with English subs.



GIRL MODEL: A documentary feature, released by the ever-fantastic Dogwoof, exploring the complex supply chain within the modelling industry of teenage girls to satisfy a market increasingly hungry for fresh and young faces. Cert. E



HOW TO STOP BEING A LOSER: Let us count the ways:

Stop writing a blog that nobody reads,

Stop tweeting inane rubbish about your personal life or what toppings are on your pizza as though anyone actually cares,

Stop acting like every decision you make in life from the drink you buy to the film you watch isn’t a political one,

Stop acting like polar ice caps melting are someone else’s problem and that even if the world does end we’ll all just fly away in fancy a balloon,

Stop complaining that it’s cheaper to buy your DVDs on Amazon because they OWN HALF THE WORLD SO THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY LIKE.

Or you can just watch the film… Cert. 15








New Releases: 13.2.12


Cert. PG

ABDUCTION:  Taylor Lautner (Twilight) stars in this action thriller about guns and broken glass. Cert. 12

DOLPHIN TALE: True Story about a dolphin with a prosthetic tail (you see the pun? Clever). Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd star alongside Harry Connick Jr. (!)… AND Kris Kristofferson… reason enough. Cert. U

HESHER: Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Third Rock from the Sun) and Natalie Portman (Black Swan) star in this story about the unlikely friendship between a small sad boy and a messed-up, long-haired chap with a beard. Cert.15

RESTLESS: Gus Van Sant (My Own Private Idaho), directs Mia Wasikowska (Jane Eyre) who plays a terminally ill teenager who falls for Harold out of Harold and Maude – this time played by Dennis Hopper’s son, Henry Hopper. The two visit funerals together and do other quirky things. Cert. 12

CALIFORNICATION SEASON 4: More of it. Cert. 18

SOUND IT OUT: Documentary about the last remaining record shop in the whole world… Almost. (Will they be making a documentary about Video City soon?) Check it out AND REMEMBER TO SHOP LOCALLY! USE IT OR LOSE IT…

and here’s the shop… if you’re ever in Teeside, get in there.

BOCA: Brazilian film based on the autobiography of Hiroito, one of the most notorious gangster’s of ’50s Sao Pulo… Cert. 15 English Subs.

HEDGEHOG: Pessimistic 11 year old, Paloma, makes some unexpected friends who convince her not to top herself after all… Cert 12, French with English subs.

Also Added This Week:

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS: Because not sleeping with your friends is too much trouble… ‘No Strings Attached’ but with Mila Kunis (Black Swan) and Justin Timberlake (MTV). Cert. 15

I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT:  And I wondered… such versatile roles; I don’t know how, either. Cert 12

ALBATROSS: A bird coming-of-age. Cert. 15

FOOTLOOSE: More nifty foot-work out at the barn. No Chris Penn, though 😦 . Cert. 12

New Releases: 6/2/12

TYRANNOSAUR: Paddy (Dead Man’s Shoes) Considine’s hard-hitting directorial debut, stars Peter Mullan (Boy A, Children of Men) as Joseph whose issues with rage are threatening to over-power him and pull his life apart. Is there hope for redemption in friendship? Eddie Marsan (Junkhearts) co-stars. Cert. 18.



MIDNIGHT IN PARIS: So, Woody Allen is still making films…  Although, apparently he’s back on form with this blood-soaked action-thriller. Actually, it’s a comedy. But, this time it’s set in Europe. Europe seems to be working for Woody, after Vicky Cristina in Spain and You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger in London, now his troubled/introspective/insecure main character (isn’t it always just Woody Allen?) is attempting to work it all out in France. Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers) plays a troubled writer searching for inspiration in the city of love…  Directed by, himself, Woody Allen (Manhattan, Annie Hall). Cert. 12



IN TREATMENT SEASON 3: Gabriel Byrne stars as shrink-extraordinaire-with-problems-of-his-own, Dr. Paul Weston. Each episode of the show revolves around a session with a patient, giving the show a stage-like intimacy which draws the viewer into the dreams, nightmares and insecurities of a whole load of strangers. Better than reading someone’s diary, because there’s NO GUILT…. I don’t care what Freud might say. Cert. 15



BORGEN SEASON 1: Much anticipated Danish political drama. Less blood, fewer jumpers, and more suits and ties than The Killing. Cert. 15 Danish with English subtitles.


ONE DAY: Based on a book about love. Everyday for a thousand years, two would-be love birds meet up to see what’s up this time. Starring Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married) and Jim Sturgess (Across the Universe). Cert. 12



BRAQUO SEASON 1:  Just when we were beginning to think we were American, Europe rescues us with TV. The number of  top-quality subtitled TV series at the moment serves to remind us that, yes, there is life after Friends. Now pass me my skinny mocha-frappe-latte.  Crime series about a group of police officers struggling to deal with the consequences that follow the suicide of a colleague. French with English subs. Cert. 15